Picasso Speaks…

Flag on the Play.

I have a huge problem with being challenged… not in a functional way. but in way that forces me to constantly prove myself to the outside world after an intial moment of clarity has surpassed of exactly who. i. am.

what do i mean by that? well its quite simple. I concluded not too long ago that I am realllyyy bad with 1st impressions. why? I am not even sure. But i think its do to the fact that i am not completely comfortable knowing that every new person I meet in the VERY moment i am being judged. everything about me is being given a  score card like its dunk contest. all in the 1st instance that i meet someone new. soo that alone makes me feel a bit uncomfy because I’m like man..this person just might think the WRONG thing and then its just an uphill battle from there. I guess im just a bit tooooo reserve with 1st impressions.. but thats not the point i want to make. what i want to express is that I truly truly truly have this burning fire inside of me being fueled by the fact that my overall CHARACTER is being challenged by individuals who i perosnally have a expectation and trust for to know and UNDERSTAND ME. only bc once the hump of the 1st impression has subsided, i then provide an equal opportunity for all to get to know ME. … in my generation theres this qoute that doesn’t seem to die and thats “be real”

and as much as i hate to use it in this. but when it comes my relationships with people i personally feel like i am as “real” as I can be as a person.

arrogant statement?

yes.

but hey. thats me. right?

its just within the past couple months or so. I find myself running into more and more obstacles where my character has a yellow flag thrown on it. and there goes this hand in my face saying “NOPE! stop.” … and there i stand confused like.. where exactly did i go wrong? what exactly did i do wrong? and the funny thing is… each and everytime the opposing party can EASILY pin point. every s i n g l e thing that i do WRONG overlooking the right. which is baffling bc… well……. its reallllyyyyy hard for me to do WRONG by anyone…… prime example. i dont lie. is that a lie? no. its the truth that i dont lie. white lies? maybe. we all do. but overall there isnt ONE record from anyone saying “picasso?., oohh yeaaa he cant be trusted” …. and why might that be? well. i dont know.. maybe its bc i am trustworhty individual.

so when a situation arises and thru my eyes i did EVERYTHING i could possibly do in my will power to prove and show that i was on the RIGHT side of things. and yet, after allllllllllllllllllllllll that the opposition INSISTS that i was wrong.

whoa.

now we have some issues.

and THAT is the moment i speak of when i say i hate being challenged. because in that moment. I am being challenged with having to PROVE that i was right….

thats a no no. it should never get to that point.

ESPECIALLY, with me.

(oh the irony that i forgot to post this but now its more relevant than ever.)

Advertisement